You know those days that don’t go as planned? Today was that day. Was it the first day in my life to not to go as planned? Absolutely not.
In my last blog, I wrote about perfect love casting out fear and I also mentioned I have not conquered all of my fears. Well, one of my fears is a fear of failure.
Today reminded me of a similar day I had last December. I had written down what my day was like and what a batch of cinnamon rolls taught me about failing. Does the perfectionist in you keep you from trying new things or beats you up for not accomplishing enough or becomes overly upset when you fail? Take a look below.
This morning I was starting to make some cinnamon rolls and was pondering my week (and life) and was thinking about why I do certain things, act a certain way, and why I have done so little with what God has asked me to do since quitting my job nearly three months ago.
Fear. It all boiled down to fear, particularly fear of failure. We all enjoy those uplifting and at times cheesy quotes like “Failure isn’t falling down, it’s choosing not to get back up” or “You will regret most the things you didn’t do than the things you did.” “Do or do not there is no try”. (If famous people said these, my bad. Not trying to plagiarize.)
But aside from the quotes people like to memorize or hang up in their offices and homes, falling down still feels like failure and doing something you wish you hadn’t still hurts.
So, as I was starting a batch of cinnamon rolls, I was feeling convicted on not doing some of the “small things” God has asked me to do. I thought, “I need to get better at being okay with failing.”
Oddly enough, the dough for my cinnamon rolls wouldn’t rise. I’ve never had this problem before, so I tried waiting a little longer, but it still had barely risen. I tried several different things to try to encourage my dough to rise and hardly anything helped. After small success, I rolled out the dough and made my cinnamon rolls, let them barely rise some more and finally put them in the oven to bake. Since this batch was giving me fits, I set my timer for less time than usual but still found half the pan nearly burnt and the other half not fully baked.
“I need to get better at being okay with failing,” popped in my head. Did I take it like a champ, especially since these were just stupid cinnamon rolls? Sadly, I did not. I mean cinnamon rolls are super easy to make. I like mine better than the store bought kind and I spent half my day making them since the dough wouldn’t rise properly. I went through several ingredients and made a special trip to the store, when I should have just picked up already made cinnamon rolls in the first place. Not to mention, I had a stack of dirty dishes and nothing to show for it.
These were just cinnamon rolls. I would hope that I normally would not be so easily upset. Perhaps the holidays were subconsciously causing extra stress and making me more triggered? Maybe not?
I need to get better at being okay with failing. No wonder I was thwarting God’s plans for me. I couldn’t even have a batch of cinnamon rolls flop without feeling upset. I’m reminded of the passage of scripture referencing the master and his three servants. What have I done with what God has given me? In fear, I have hidden what God has given me instead of using and multiplying it. “So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.” (Matthew 25:25).
It’s taken me a quarter of a century to figure this out. Sure, I’ve heard this bible story before, I’ve recognized my fear of failure many times, and I’ve seen how it hinders my life. However, it wasn’t until now that I feel I truly see not just how much could be lost by doing what I feel called to do, but what will certainly, undeniably, and regrettably be lost by NOT doing what I feel called to do.
When reading the book of Matthew, the master’s response to his servant frightened me. “And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 25:30), but then I realized, that was what the master said to the servant that did nothing at all, not necessarily to a servant who failed.
So, whether you are in the process of choosing which college to go to, debating whether or not to start a business, or trying to figure out your life, I hope you will let God’s perfect love drive out fear and do what you need to do.
I will leave you with a quote my mother sent me, when she heard what kind of day I was having:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt