As you may have read in one of my previous blogs, my husband and I recently became homeowners. While the days of house hunting feel far away and short but sweet, we were sending each other houses on Zillow and exploring neighborhoods for a few years. Long before we met with any realtors or got pre-approved for our home loan, it became painfully obvious that my husband and I have differing tastes.
I was always wanting a fixer upper and when we were dreaming, my husband spared no expense in his Zillow searches for hypothetical modern houses. I’ve always had an appreciation for restoring old things and making them better than when I found them. However, my husband did not share in this appreciation. I tried explaining to him that I liked the character found in old houses and you don’t find that kind of detail and character in newer builds. It got to the point where we would drive past abandoned houses, clearly vacant and fallen into unrepairable conditions and my husband would go, “Look! That house has character!”
I wish I could claim that my love for old things is natural, but it was probably much more taught and caught. My mother is an art teacher by day but everything else by night. From landscaping to painting, to switching out hardware, to drawing up the blueprints for a large addition for my childhood home, she wears many hats. It didn’t matter if we lived on south side, north side, rental or owned, her and my dad always left every place we ever lived better than when we moved in.
I guess the appealing and almost magical part of seeing potential in the old and broken is that it speaks to my soul. Bringing dead things to life, abandoned things to love, broken things to be whole again is what my Savior has done for me.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)
I love this verse. However, when I first got saved, I didn’t always feel like I was a new creation. Life seemed new and so bright and full of potential, but I was still more or less the same person. I had the same passions, desires, and struggles, and for a while I believed the lie that this wasn’t okay. But as I’ve walked with Christ for over 10 years now, I’ve come to find He is in the restoring business. The broken and tainted parts of me were not just unfortunate things from my past but something my healing Savior has and is still turning around for good.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV)
Are there broken parts of your soul, painful things from your past? What are you doing with that brokenness?
I remember one of the first times I saw my mom repainting a wooden end-table. I was a very little girl and noticed she wasn’t painting over the old paint right away. (I have always been impatient and was wondering why she didn’t cut straight to the fun part.) I asked her what she was doing and she said she needed to sand it down first and strip away the old paint since it was old and chipped and scratched. If she had skipped this part, the new paint wouldn’t look as nice or be as smooth and it may not have stuck at.
While it is not a pretty or painless process, I encourage you to ask God what He and His word say about any brokenness in your present or past. Then, with God walking with you, His word being your guide, begin to strip away those old, painful layers. He cannot restore and refinish you with those old layers there.
I used to make the statement (subconsciously) after rejection, abuse, or pain that “I would never let someone mistreat me again.” Blanket statements like that make us feel protected, but what I was really saying is “I will never trust anyone ever again.” Making vows like that in your soul and mind, not only leads you to not trusting people in your life, but ultimately not trusting God.
Even though I was saved, even though I wanted to trust Him, He COULD NOT work in me and I COULD NOT be closer to Him with conditions on my heart. Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. I am not saying you shouldn’t use wisdom and have boundaries, but putting up walls around your heart will not only keep others out but a more intimate relationship with God as well.
Lastly, while you are being restored and refinished, you may not have closure on things from your past. There are still incidents I don’t know why they happened or where God necessarily was in that specific moment, but as a good friend shared with me and some friends, “you can either choose understanding or Jesus.”
That is a bold and possibly harsh statement. It is not to belittle anyones pain or grief, but there is truth and healing in it, if you let your heart accept it. Especially over the last few months there have been things God has brought to my attention that I have literally had to say, “I don’t know why this happened. I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know where Jesus was, but I choose Jesus and healing.” If you are not to that point yet, that’s okay, but you cannot be refinished and restored until you are. Let Jesus strip away the old and make room for the new today.