I don’t know about you, but when I come across blogs that start with “An open letter to…”, “If I could go back…”, or “What I would tell my younger self…”, I usually keep scrolling. OR if I do take the time to read it, I usually feel like the person writing it must be working through something because while the post may have had some good points, it goes on and on and on and on.
Yet here I am, writing one of the cliche pieces in hopes that it could help someone else.
What would I tell my pregnant and freshly postpartum self or new, first time mama?
- Do not live in fear. Yes, there are things that can go wrong during pregnancy and the newborn stage, but and while it’s good to listen to your body, do not make all your decisions based on fear and what happened to someone else. Do not let fear rob you of the joy in your season. Easier said than done, but pray, recenter yourself and let the Holy Spirit lead you in times of uncertainty. Fear is a liar.
- You is kind. You is smart. You is important. Giving the wrong amount of cash to the cashier, losing things, and forgetting to pay bills for the first time in my entire life, pregnancy brain got me good. For all the dumb blonde moments I’ve had, I still take my intelligence a little too seriously. So, when I was as big as a whale AND doing stupid stuff in front of strangers on a regular basis, I was mortified. Looking back now, I wish I had given myself grace and learned to laugh at all the silly things I did and said.
- Advocate for yourself. You’re not just a dumb first time mom that doesn’t know anything. I didn’t feel right almost my entire pregnancy, I remember having a hard time explaining what I was feeling, and nurses treating me like I was just being a wimp. Turns out I was probably having contractions off and on from 20 weeks through three days after Lucy’s due date when she finally made her appearance. This landed me in the hospital twice for pre-term contractions, and both times I felt pressured to do things that didn’t turn out that great. Sparing you a long story, I wish I had taken time to breathe and think. Neither I nor Lucy were in any kind of distress and as it turned out the “one and only option” I was given for care was not my only option. But I felt like a dumb first time mom that didn’t know anything so I agreed to things I didn’t feel comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with taking time to think and asking for other options or a second opinion.
- Get a pregnancy workout routine and supportive professionals in your life. I had an amazing chiropractor that taught me several exercises and diaphragmatic breathing (which is LITERALLY what brought Lucy into the world), but I wish I had done more research and not been so cheap about finding a prenatal workout routine. I was trying to keep doing workouts I’ve always done and would constantly ask my doctor “will this hurt the baby?” What I didn’t know is that while jumping squats and curtsy lunges in my third trimester wouldn’t hurt my baby, it wouldn’t help all my aches and pains and wouldn’t prepare me for labor, delivery, and recovery.
- You won’t do everything right and that’s okay. As I’ve been listing off all the things I would have done differently, it’s important to note that there is no “perfect way” to prepare yourself mentally and physically. Life rarely goes as planned and it’s important to give you AND YOUR SPOUSE grace. If you are a first time mom and you and your spouse are first time parents, you are going through so much change and uncertainty and usually running on very little sleep. You won’t do everything perfectly, there are somethings you need to learn as you go, so please give you and your spouse grace.
- You will need help and that’s okay. I have a lot of pride guys, and asking for help is hard. I never want to inconvenience anyone and I never want to seem like a wimp. There were times in my pregnancy that I needed to step back and when I did I beat myself up about it and was constantly comparing myself to other women that seemed to have it more together than me. I did this postpartum too. I also believed the lie that if I needed help, that meant I couldn’t handle my baby/wasn’t a good mom. Do not compare yourself to any other mother past or present. You do you and if you need help, ASK FOR IT. (Still preaching to myself on this one.)
- Some babies cry A LOT. Lucy cried SO MUCH and she has always had a personality. So much so, even doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, etc have noted her personality (yes people who only spent a few hours or even a few minutes noted this.) I had always been told that you think your first is the most difficult baby but then you have your second baby and realize you were wrong. Believing that lie through Lucy’s first few months nearly wrecked me. If I was hanging on by a thread with the “easy baby” how would I ever have more kids? Fortunately, I had a few mamas tell me they experienced the opposite and/or that some babies just really do cry more than others. I finally stopped over analyzing every little thing I ate, every little thing Lucy did, and sticking to a schedule like it was life or death, and slowly over time, Lucy seemed less overstimulated (and regressed here and there) but eventually became the normal, happy baby she is today.
- This isn’t forever. Lastly, but possibly most importantly, this isn’t forever. Morning sickness doesn’t last forever, being as huge as a beached whale won’t last forever, leaky boobs won’t last forever, and the newborn stage won’t last forever. When you’re in the thick of it, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and believe the lie that this is what the rest of your life will look like, but it won’t. You will be able to do the things you used to enjoy again, you and your spouse will be able to sit on the couch together and watch a movie without a baby screaming inconsolably, and you will regain your brain power and be able to function like a sane person again. There are many seasons in pregnancy and postpartum and some of them are unexplainably hard, but none of them last forever.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading while I work through somethings. 😂 I’ve only had one baby so take this with a grain of salt, I am a fish out of water in this motherhood game and I am still learning and growing every day.
Until next time, just keep swimming!