The other day, I went for an eight mile run. “Why?” you ask. Because I was/am training for a half marathon. I decided despite all the chaos in the world and my race being cancelled, I was still going to try to run a half marathon by May 3rd.
However, there’s been times I’ve thought this was a dumb idea and I should quit. On my eight mile run, around mile five, I was starting to have a lot of pain and exhaustion. I started thinking about calling Christian to come and get me. (Now, maybe you’re thinking I’m a runner and this was dramatic of me. To put things in perspective, I had to pick up my pace so some speedwalkers didn’t pass me on the trail.) I wasn’t far from Christian’s aunt and uncle’s house and I thought maybe I could lay in their front yard (#socialdistancing) until Christian could come get me. (Who know’s maybe they would even toss a water or gatorade my way?) I was spent and didn’t think I could make it home, running or walking. Then I remembered a mantra I repeatedly told myself when I started running after Lucy was born, “You survived 30 hours of labor, you can handle X amount of minutes running.” My body was telling me I was in pain but I remembered, “You had 16 hours of back labor before the epidural. You can run the rest of the way home.”
It took one thought of back labor to change my perspective. Suddenly, my feet weren’t so heavy, my pain not as consuming and I made it the whole way home. (And even went for a mile walk with Christian and the kids an hour or two afterwards.)
I’m not going to lie. I was a little surprised at how well my mantra worked. I’d tried pep talks and even bible verses while running in the past, but it was thinking back to my never ending, very painful labor that made me believe I could get through my current pain.
I have tried writing this blog post a few different times, but with everything going on in the world, I felt like I struggled to find the right words. I was originally going to write about WHY I THINK I’m training for a half marathon. I THOUGHT it would make me feel strong. I THOUGHT it would prove to me that I can still do difficult things. That I’ve still “got it”.
Motherhood has made me whole yet shattered me into a thousand pieces all at the same time. In the wreckage, I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. I thought completing a half marathon would help me find me. They say it’s not about the destination but about the journey. And as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, it’s true. You can imagine my surprise when the very thing I thought made me broken and weak, was actually what was giving me the strength to keep going when things got tough.
In the miles that led me home, I got to thinking, maybe this season will be our mantra later on?
Maybe COVID-19 has affected your finances, your relationships, or your mental health. If so, I pray in this painful season, we would be pruned by our maker and have fruit to show for it.
I pray this very season that you are convinced is making you weak, broke, depressed, anxious, and inadequate will actually be used by God to make you whole. I pray He would use this time for us to take a sober look at how we were spending our finances before the stock market began to plummet. I pray He would use this time to help us grow closer to our family and friends and most importantly lean into him.
I remember listening to a sermon by Steven Furtick and he said, “Sometimes survival is success.” Even if it doesn’t feel like you are or you will benefit from this season, I pray this would be the season to look back on. When things get tough, you will be able to remember this season and say, “God provided, God showed up, and He was faithful. He hasn’t failed us yet and he won’t start now. We survived that so we can survive this.”
Financially, emotionally/mentally, and physically, we will get through this. Praying for you and the whole world right now. God bless!