For some, motherhood is like being immersed in another culture. How you eat and sleep, everything in your daily routine is upended (at least for a period of time). I remember early in motherhood thinking “nobody warned me that it would be this hard.” Of course, people tried, and for many years I listened to other mothers and resolved that being a mom would be unexplainably exhausting, sanity destroying, and at times traumatic, why would anyone do it and an even better question, why would women CONTINUE to have more children? Especially if they already knew how difficult it would be (particularly labor and delivery—yikes!)? For years my childless self viewed motherhood to be too daunting.
Despite this, I became a mom and it wasn’t until I made it through at least six months (if not my first year) with Lucy when I realized motherhood changes you into something else. A being strong enough to love and care for someone else despite indescribable exhaustion, gut-wrenching pain, and uncontrollable emotions.
As a young adult, I always feared motherhood would make me weak and soft (physically and emotionally/mentally). I was afraid I would no longer have the freedom and carefree spirit to travel and strive toward my goals. I remember talking to two mamas (both mothers to four children) shortly before having Lucy. I explained my anxiety to accomplish so much before I had my baby because afterward, I wouldn’t have the physical or emotional capacity to do so. I feared the unknown of my postpartum state and didn’t know if I would still have the stamina and confidence to pursue major and minor things in my life. They both explained, on separate occasions, in their own way that motherhood has a way of melting or breaking things off of you.
I didn’t understand. At 38 weeks pregnant, I couldn’t go for a run, my body was exhausted, and I was a whale. How could life after this allow me to keep moving? How would I return to my previous self—physically and mentally?
I’ve said it before and will say it again, motherhood certainly broke me. It was not a smooth transition in the slightest. What I tried to piece together in the wreckage of a broken body and postpartum depression was not pretty, but nothing is wasted in God. As He has been faithful to do in everything else, he healed, mended, and made me whole, but thankfully, not the same.
Oh, how young women are so afraid of “never getting their body back” or “never being the same” if they have children. Don’t let anyone fool you, dear. You will never be the same but you will be something better on the other side. Like other major transitions, and obstacles in life, being immersed in motherhood does not leave you the same. Nothing worthwhile should leave us the same.
After the Lord placed on my heart to write about being “strong as a mother”, I kept coming back to the idea of gold being refined in fire. I honestly don’t know anything about gold but was intrigued enough to do some googling. Sure enough, I found a process of removing impurities from gold with the use of heat and fire. What struck me the most about this is the impurities are not removed until the gold has been heated to its melting point.
What an incredible analogy to describe motherhood. Oftentimes in my pregnancy and even recovery, I felt my body was worth less because of the strain and trauma it sustained. In those early weeks of no sleep and sudden floods of river wild emotions, I thought I was so weak and unstable. Little did I know what I thought looked like my worst, my survival mode, my breaking point—MY MELTING POINT—God was using to remove impurities in me.
A mother’s love is probably one of the least selfish types of (human) love known on the planet. Whether you have tiny footprints on your heart or a baby in your arms as you read this, whether your body only housed your baby for a few weeks or you have the blessing of raising them and watching them grow or your story is somewhere in between, know that your work is sacred, your story is important, you did not labor in vain because you labored in love.
You are pure gold, friend. You are as Strong as a Mother, and there are few things stronger than that.