I came across a passage of scripture that I’d probably heard thousands of times before: Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand (Matthew 14:13-21). You may be familiar with it as well.
To paraphrase, Jesus had compassion on a large crowd and healed their sick. As evening was approaching, his disciples told Jesus to send the people away so they could find something to eat. Jesus replied they didn’t need to go away and for the disciples to give them something to eat. However, the disciples could only come up with five loaves of bread and two fish. But Jesus is Jesus, so he told them to bring the food to him. He GAVE THANKS for the five loaves and two fish and then broke them apart and fed the crowd with it. Not only did everyone miraculously get enough to eat, but there were even leftovers. It was estimated there were five thousand men (and that did not include women and children who were there as well).
So, if you’ve heard this over and over, you’re probably think, “Yeah, Josey. Jesus preformed miracles. It’s what he did.” But what really caught me off guard was that he gave thanks for the food first.
I’ve glossed over that sentence so many times in my life and probably because, if you grew up in a traditional Christian household, you probably know it’s customary for Christian’s to give thanks for their food before they eat it.
So, Jesus said grace before they ate. Big Whoop. But it wasn’t enough. This is Jesus we’re talking about so he probably knew a miracle was about to happen but what about everyone who was watching? It was odd enough Jesus even accepted the food from the disciples let alone thanked God for it and then started distributing it.
Whether or not Jesus, his disciples, or anyone in the crowd may have known there would somehow be enough food, the score keeper and analytical thinker in me used to have trouble thanking God for not enough.
2020 has gotten a pretty bad wrap for being the worst year. And while it certainly hasn’t been any fun or normal, I think December 2018-December 2019 may have been worse for us. For those of you that have been along for the ride may know, I had a very uncomfortable pregnancy, countless unexpected car and home repairs including new HVAC and roof, difficult recovery, postpartum depression, and unexpectedly losing a loved one to name a few. So many times, I felt God beckoning me, not in a taunting way, but in a genuine question “Am I enough?” As well as feeling the need to find things to be thankful for.
In that time, I had to decide, was I going to praise God for who he is and am I going to be thankful, or is he not good because everything keeps falling apart? Somedays, in the fog of postpartum depression and feeling like we were drowning in debt and would never recover, it was difficult to find things to be thankful for.
Thank you for my baby (even if she cries a lot and I don’t feel adequate.)
Thank you for the groceries we did buy (even if it didn’t feel like enough or what I wanted to buy.)
Thank you for our home (even though it felt more like a curse than a blessing at the time.)
Thank you that the sun is shining today.
Thank you for my dogs.
Thank you for You, Jesus.
This was a turning point in my faith. I don’t have it all figured out and never will. Taking the time to be grateful and deciding I was sold out for Jesus no matter what didn’t take away all of our problems. But knowing I was in the loving, careful hands of my Savior brought a stability and peace that surpasses understanding.
If you are in a season where you’re struggling to be happy, content, or even survive, I urge you to take on an attitude of gratitude and declare Jesus is enough. This will not make all your problems go away but it will shift your perspective from the circumstance to Jesus, from darkness to light.
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV